Ed Sheeran Wants to Keep Corpses on His Property

Ed Sheeran lives on an estate called Sheeranville which comprises a bunch of homes, a pub, a gym, and a “wildlife pond” that his neighbors suspect is a normal pool. In 2019 the singer got approval to build a chapel, and now according the the Guardian he’s seeking approval from East Suffolk Council to build a small crypt underneath that chapel, marked on the building’s designs as “burial zone beneath (penetration through slab).” IMO … let him!

As far as I can tell the inhabitants of Sheeranville are just Ed Sheeran, his wife, and his daughter, so maybe that’s who he wants to bury there (eventually). But his now-approved application to build a chapel stated that other people visit Sheeranville, too, so it opens up some other possibilities. “Many of these people are from many countries, faiths and customs, including for example the USA, Ireland, Ghana, Nigeria, Asia, and Australia,” the application said. “Thus, the applicant seeks to provide a space in which, he, his family and these different people can retreat for contemplation, prayer and relaxation, to meet celebrate and meditate in peace and safety from disturbance, when they visit.” (And then get buried.)

The crypt is going to be pretty small, though — five feet 10 inches by eight feet 10 inches — so Ed Sheeran is going to have to be pretty selective about the corpses he keeps there. It can’t be anyone particularly tall, though I guess he can style them in the fetal position or cremate them first. Sheeran hasn’t yet sought approval for a crematorium on the property, nor has he spoken publicly about his plans for the crypt aside from the fact that he’d like to build it, so we can only speculate. Maybe it’s going to be a doll cemetery for his daughter’s dolls, or sort of a “man cave” where Sheeran communes with the souls of dead bros. The possibilities are only as limited as Ed Sheeran’s imagination, which I believe is quite robust.

Needless to say, we’re all crossing our fingers for Ed Sheeran’s crypt. And maybe one day we can be one of those lucky different people who retreat there for contemplation, a pint at the pub, and a quick burial.

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